Look, Ma, I'm Enlightened.
06.30.04 (3:31 pm) [edit]Lazy Mans Guide To Enlightenment
by: Thaddeus Golas
Ch 2: Look, Ma, I'm Enlightened.
What do you do to become enlightened? What are the signs that you are succeeding? How does your life change as you become more enlightened?
There is nothing you need to do first in order to be enlightened.
All potential experiences are within you already. You can open up to them at any time, faster than instantaneously, just by being there.
But there's no hurry. Total expansion is always there, beyond time, within and around you. You need only open your awareness at the pace you find safe and comfortable. If LSD is too fast, go slower. This is home. We all belong in the universe.
Nothing gets in our way, but most of us are likely to open up in stages, gradually. We tend to go up in cycles of emotion: after each burst of euphoric realization, we may hit a new and different kind of negativity, the next thing we need to learn to love. But the higher you go, the easier it gets.
The experience of complete awareness being space, does not mean being presently conscious of every detail in the universe, every possible relationship between limited, withdrawn entities. Being space is a readiness to be aware fully of anything conceivable. It means we have no resistance, no denial of any concept or relationship. Therefore, to achieve enlightenment, we are not required to gather any particular set of ideas or experiences, virtues or sufferings. Anything that exists can be experienced with a completely expanded awareness.
Regardless of how you have limited your awareness, you are a free and self-determined being. No other live being, nor any group of beings, can control your vibration level so there is nothing in the universe, especially the physical part of it, that can counter your free will.
That means that the physical world has no power over you whatsoever: it doesn't tempt you, it doesn't corrupt you, it doesn't get in the way of enlightenment, "it" doesn't do anything to you.
You are the sole cause of your level of existence. Your internal condition is never programmed. The experience of being forced or controlled against your will can occur only when you make yourself dense, when you contract your awareness.
Our reality at any level consists of whatever unique conscious beings we perceive as alive, and the process of enlightenment is expanding our comprehension of other beings, until we experience everything as a live interaction.
The more we withdraw from loving other beings, the more of a "physical" world we will contend with, the more mass-obsessed we become. On the other hand, the more we open up to our brothers and sisters, the less solid the world becomes.
Enlightenment is any experience of expanding our consciousness beyond its present limits. We could also say that perfect enlightenment is realizing that we have no limits at all, and that the entire universe is alive.
The difficulty in writing about it, and in all efforts to tell how to achieve it, comes of trying to use limited terms to talk about going beyond limits. To be enlightened is to be in a state of flexible awareness, an open mind. Enlightenment is the very process of expanding, not of arriving at a different set of limits.
There is no one correct way of looking at life "after" enlightenment. We are not obliged to be or not be anything, as long as in our hearts and minds we are whole.
What does it mean, to be whole? It means that we must be willing to conceive of, to contain within ourselves, whatever is "other than" any limited idea. It means knowing that when we emphasize a positive, we are at the same time creating a negative. When we choose an ideal of knowledge, then we must deal with the ignorance that is other than the knowledge. When we emphasize an ideal of holiness, then we must live with the sin that is its companion, and accept our responsibility for having created it.
If we deny doing so, that is a contraction of awareness; we become dense, we become mass-level entities, we are incarnated in physical bodies. And we cannot control what we have denied creating, it is forced into our attention whether we like it or not, and so we live in a world of sin and ignorance.
However, if we remain constantly open and unresisting to such negatives, we are not compelled to dwell on them: If we allow that ugliness is always within us, then we are free to create beauty. If we know that stupidity is always within us, then we are free to emphasize this intelligence.
Love is the highest and holiest action because it always contains that which is not love within itself, it always and ever moves to include the unloving.
How often we try to figure out a cause-and-effect sequence in our experiences, when what is happening is merely a swing of alternating conditions. We may choose a negative task, like monastic discipline, and then feel rewarded. Or conversely, we may pursue a seductive pleasure, and then feel cheated. We never stand back to see that we are just swinging like pendulums.
And many of us insist on thinking of ourselves as only kind, good, and wise: we try to be pendulums that swing only to one side.
The remedy for this confusion is to be loving, to experience life without mental resistance, until we rise above mass and energy to the space level. On that level, where love is constant and our awareness is open, we will more easily comprehend the miracle of containing contradictions, opposites, and paradoxes. We will be free to experience what we choose, because we will not deny that we always contain everything other than our choice. Karma is not "paying for" exactly what you did in the past. It's just that, as you raise your vibration level, you may encounter the kind of experiences you withdrew from in the past, or you may run into anything other than what you are insisting on now. If you try to close your mind, you will drop back to a lower vibration. But if you look calmly at undesired events, absorb them mentally, and love yourself for disliking them, you will keep going higher. You might say that for a while you must take your bum trip with your high.
As you deal with and love each new disturbing phenomenon, you will begin to realize that none of the threatening evil that bothered you has disappeared from the world. But your compulsive feelings of dismay and helplessness will be gone, you will learn how to steer your way around or through turbulent vibrations and in time they won't happen to you any more. You will see how you can change your emotions and experiences by understanding their relation to your awareness level.
For instance, if your feelings fade after a deeply loving experience with someone (which is especially likely if you were high on marijuana or LSD at the time), you can understand it as a fading out of being in the same space now that you are both vibrating on a lower level again. When you know that, and know that the low mood can pass just as easily as it came on, then you are less likely to make big decisions and get into arguments because of it. You just relax your mind and watch it go by.
Currently many of us are experiencing temporary highs and flashes of illumination, especially with psychedelics available. If things get weird in new ways after such euphoric times, you need not be disturbed. It may be a sign you're going higher still.
Meanwhile we should realize that we tend to return to the vibration level where we feel stable, something we can "live with." It's the level of stability, the level where we feel ourselves to be comfortably on the same vibration with others, that needs to be changed. And that can be done only through an unresisting state of mind, a constantly expanding love.
It is quite natural, in pursuing enlightenment or just in trying to be happier, to look to your everyday experiences for signs of results. Indeed, your daily life is nothing else but an expression of your spiritual condition. Your life will change as you become more loving, but not in ways that you can exactly predict. What happens is not as important as how you react to what happens.
There is a good attitude to take towards any goal: It's nice if it happens, nice if it doesn't. Long before you get to where you can confidently make choices for the future, you may find that you are no longer interested in predicting much. You won't mind letting go of one beautiful experience because love will make the next one just as rewarding.
Similarly there isn't much specific advice to be given about what enlightened existence should be on Earth, and I am reluctant to make glowing predictions about what is possible. As we have seen, as soon as we are completely willing to create a condition, it changes into something else if our minds are blocked to alternatives. On our mass level, that "something else" is often likely to be unpleasant, and as soon as we try to withdraw from our feelings about it, we are stuck with it. That's one way to explain why ideal and beautiful events vanish from our lives, and bad and dull ones last, and the same applies in predicting a rosy future.
But no matter how vague and unwieldy that process seems, love will overcome it. It can be safely predicted that, as you grow more loving of yourself and others, you will in this lifetime begin seeing every person and object as a perfect form, just the way they are now. You will feel a rich pleasure in every moment. And since beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, your vibrations will be beautiful, too.
july 18, 2004
06.30.04 (11:54 am) [edit]modest mouse @ the avalon in hollywood.
sweet. i got my tickets...5 of them. yup, going with a bunch of people. its going to be a lot of fun, i am looking forward to it as the first best thing of the summer. woohoo, starting my summer off right and seeing my favorite band...damn, its glorious.
so, yeah, just wanted to say I'M GOING TO SEE MODEST MOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me and my Libra self.
06.30.04 (9:25 am) [edit]Sun in 9° 54' 10" Libra
If there is significant word that suits Libra it is "harmony." Its ruler Venus, emanates an appreciation for charm, grace, diplomacy and artistic matters. On the other hand, indecisiveness, dependency, fickleness, and
apathy may be present. Many Librians have a charming appearance as well as a longing for fame and recognition. Sophisticated as you are, some will
never abandon their basic principles merely to get support from others. You may have learned from experience that such manipulative behavior can eventually lead to humiliation. If any indecision is present, it is generally because you easily see both sides of a situation.
Libra is an air sign that highlights your intellect. You constantly seek knowledge, new ideas and mental stimulation. You have the gift of being
able to analyze all the social happenings in your surroundings. You also have a strong interest in all aspects of psychology and relationships with
the opposite sex. Thus you find it easy to advise others and often try to help your fellows solve their personal problems. You often play the role of an intermediary or go-between. You seldom give vent your anger as you
want peace and love in your life. You can portray calm judgment, even when crossed. After longer periods of time, you can remember exactly who said
what and why, and you may be prepared to use this knowledge against the people involved.
A close partnership is important to you, and serves to get you closer toward your goals of self-realization and contentment. But, somehow you should be careful to keep your individuality within such a relationship.
You are strongly motivated by the needs of others, and so others rarely see you as selfish.
Libra is a cardinal sign and so you live for today and are adventurous. However, as you don't enjoy isolation, you will generally seek the company and cooperation of others. You will have many social connections and much
contact with the general public. Thus, you show a preference for employment within the judiciary field, public relations arena, or in a career field that requires you to work closely with others. This could be
connected to the performing arts. With your marked sense of justice you expect your associates to work just as hard as you do yourself. The more experienced you become, the harder you tend to work.
ME PERSONALLY AS A LIBRA:
You are under the rulership of the planet Venus and have an instinctive grace and charm, proportion and harmony, a phrase to describe you is - I balance - since you seek to reconcile differences and wish for both approval and popularity, however you are loath to compromise your principles having an awareness that this could bring about your downfall. There is a strong sense of justice and fair play within you so that you are likely to take on the defence of the underdog. You seek to work in co-operation with others and are very concerned to form companionships and partnerships since you find it hard to work in isolation once you have conceived and initiated projects. Your leaning is to taking action on your perceptions.
You are likely to work conscientiously once past the age of early youth, and are interested in new ideas and mental stimulus since you are intellectually inclined as well as being drawn to the arts, public relations, psychology the law, beauty and fashion. Good taste is important to you and you will go out of your way to avoid disharmony in both surroundings and companions. You rarely let your anger get the better of you but when you do explode nothing is left unsaid as you purge your soul and seek to regain emotional equilibrium, at least these flashes of rage soon pass like a tropic storm having shaken everything in its path.
Government Announcement
06.29.04 (1:38 pm) [edit]The government today announced that it is changing Its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, Destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of Pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're Actually being screwed.
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.
lol. generators are fun.
06.29.04 (12:19 pm) [edit]| cmaze is poisonous! Induce vomitting if ingested. |
| N POISON |
From Go-Quiz.com
scary? maybe.
06.29.04 (12:01 pm) [edit]when i took my lunch break today - much earlier than i usually do - i came across another car accident. another car had flipped over, but this one had managed to make it off the overpass before landing in the position we saw it in. that makes two accidents i've seen in one day only two hours apart. seemingly rather chaotic, much like the world we live in.
i was going through some random websites today as i do during my off time and i came across a couple or rather scary ones. it wasn't scary like "eww" or "yipes!", it was scary as in "my god, that could happen." the websites i am referring to deal with revolution and the "need" for drastic and, yes, chaotic changes. :o
now, anyone who knows me knows that i am a firm believer that the american government does need some radical renovations. however, the renovations i speak of deal more with policies and law...the renovations these websites are talking about is much like a civil war. "take america back!" is what they preach. yes, take america back and make it the way it was founded...but don't start a war. although, maybe they have the right idea. maybe the only way people will listen is if people actually stand up in force. i've never been a fan of force though.
last night my friend kieth and i were talking about this exact thing...we based our discussion off of what would happen if bush gets reelected - which is near impossible. anyway, he said he would probably high-tail it to canada. i was all for that idea, but then i realized that if bush gets reelected we get to deal with the draft in which case canada closes its borders to americans trying to dodge the draft. so, with that in mind i just came to the conclusion that i would take activism to new heights. and, if it came down to it, join the revolution. my reasoning? well, its simple really - i don't want to live in a police state/empire/dictatorship /etc etc etc...i could go on forever.
anyway, theres so much crap going on in the world that its hard to smile. bush has gotten america into one hell of a situation. the world is at war...not the violent type...the cold war type. temperatures are rising and the struggle to reach agreements has gotten ten times harder. meanwhile, people are still shooting people here at home. theres a lot more than just the war in iraq...theres the ever-present war for humanity...and we're losing. it scares me most to realize that what we have here are the ingredients for WW3, lets hope they don't get mixed.
Don't Dream It's Over
06.29.04 (10:43 am) [edit]By: Crowded House.
(in my opinion, one of the best songs written)
There is freedom within
there is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
There's a battle ahead
many battles are lost
But you'll never see the end of the road
While you're traveling with me
-[CHORUS]-
Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win
Now I'm towing my car
there's a hole in the roof
my possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof
in the paper today
tales of war and of waste
but you turn right over to the T.V. page
-[CHORUS]-
Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win
Now I'm walking again
to the beat of a drum
And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart
Only shadows ahead
barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and release
Hey now, Hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, Hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
You know they won’t win
Don’t let them win
Hey now, Hey now
Hey now, Hey now
Hey now, Hey now
Don’t let them win
They come, They come
Don’t let them win
Hey now, Hey now (yeah)
Hey now, Hey now
yup.
06.29.04 (9:36 am) [edit]on the way into the office this morning we got caught in a shit load of traffic. there had been an accident and all lanes were closed. emergency vehicles were trying to weave their way through the mess to no avail. cops were walking through the traffic telling people to merge as far over as possible and to let cars in other lanes in first. it was crazy. after quite awhile they finally let people go on through. as we passed the accident on the right we saw a bunch of paramedics trying to get people out of a car that had flipped over. behind that were two other cars that had appeared to collide in order to avoid the car that had flipped. the guy i saw on the ground wasn't moving and was covered in blood. needless to say, i was speechless.
i'm also not quite sure what i will be doing on the 4th of july. at first i was planning on going up to the cabin, but then i started having second thoughts about it. now i'm having second thoughts about staying in the area. i know that if i stay i'd be sleeping at home and thats not good. its not good because of what i've heard from people who either live in the area or used to. we're going to get to deal with random assault rifle fire among other things. so, as you can see, thats not very appealing. i'm stuck now. oh well.
JULY 18th!!!!
WOOHOO! i'm really excited about that date if you couldn't tell. reason? MODEST MOUSE! yup, my favorite band is coming to town. i'm there. no matter what happens, i'm there. there is nothing that can get in between me and this show.
thats my peace.
no fear.
06.28.04 (1:46 pm) [edit]everyone here i can see needs a change
theres a hand in my pocket i could exchange
something for nothing when they all fall down
i could get up on stage as a clown
and they might smile or clap for what i gave them,
when i'm done i'll bow and exit stage right
would they care when i was gone? they might...
theres clouds in the sky and it looks like rain
we were going to meet here, but they never came
to a place i called home once years ago
i think i'll just sit alone and wait
wait for night to come, i'll watch the stars glow...
i'll take my shoes off and lay down to die
i wish there was more but i can only cry
for the things i regret, i never took a chance
on the things i truly wanted, my happiness paid that debt...
they said i let them down again
how can i call myself a man
if i refuse the ones who love me
by saying i'll do something right
never acting on it or putting up a fight
to forgive myself of all my sin
i just close my eyes to pray
but i'm silent and blind,
i've lost whati was trying to find...
so at those gates up in heaven
will i be let in as a vip
or burn in hells fiery seas,
change is constant thats what einstein proved
but hes dead now eventhough he didn't lose...
i've been happy before and it felt so good
so i'll drink their wine, eat their food
and listen close for a whisper in my ear
telling myself theres hope yet, have no fear...
sticky.
06.28.04 (12:55 pm) [edit]ok, fine, my planned break from tblog just won't work out...not right now at least. i thought i had lost my head when it comes to writing, but realized that i'm not even close to that point yet. a couple of nights of writers-block can't end my blogging bullshit, come on now...if i gave up everytime i felt a little uninspired, i wouldn't get anywhere.
since i got my internet set back up, i've been gaming a lot of the time during the wee hours before i hop in the sack and drift off to dream land. its a lot of fun to just sit there and press buttons, making sure you aim for the head. the joy that is killing made simple, effective, and legal. it allows you to act on your withheld aggressions and just let go. i think that its just as effective as killing the person in real life, though i have never killed anyone so i don't really have the right to make that assumption. i think thats what we should do with killers though, keep them in prison...but allow them to play against eachother in online shoot-em-up games. ok, maybe that wouldn't solve anything while giving us tax payers another reason to pay more...but isn't that what america is about anyway? finding something useless to make the population pay for? "your tax dollars at work" and yet there is never any proof that it is in fact useful. hmm, i dunno...all seems rather redundant to me.
i have yet to see fahrenheit 9/11 and i have received some mixed reviews from friends. all of my friends have very liberal beliefs and practices and the ones who have seen it have enjoyed it tremendously. out of the friends i have who are quite conservative, they enjoyed it on an unbias note, but were rather shaken while speaking from their conservative view points. its amazing how many people i know who thought bush was doing a good job - something i would never agree with - and have now changed their opinions. i can't wait to sit back and smile as i watch it.
meanwhile, back on the home front, nothing has changed really. still all laid back and takin it easy. going to go ahead and start looking for a new job starting next month. going to be quitting drinking, pot smoking, and cigarette smoking as well starting next month. hopefully going to get back into healthy mode and get my life going again. getting to settled into my life right now and i really don't want to be too settled with what i have right now...theres so much more to do.
much love!
The Lazy Mans Guide to Enlightenment
06.28.04 (9:37 am) [edit]By: Thaddeus Golas
Ch. 2 - Who Are We?
------------------------- --------
We are equal beings and the universe is our relations with each other. The universe is made of one kind of entity: each one is alive, each determines the course of his own existence.
That is really all you need to know to understand this book or write your own. Everything I say has its roots in that first paragraph, and it is possible to resolve any question by going back to it and thinking it through for yourself.
The universe is made of one kind of whatever-it-is, which cannot be defined. For our purpose, it isn't necessary to try to define it. All we need to do is assume that there is only one kind of whatever-it-is, and see if it leads to a reasonable explanation for the world as we know it.
The basic function of each being is expanding and contracting. Expanded beings are permeative; contracted beings are dense and impermeative. Therefore each of us, alone or in combination, may appear as space, energy, or mass, depending on the ratio of expansion to contraction chosen, and what kind of vibrations each of us expresses by alternating expansion and contraction. Each being controls his own vibrations.
A completely expanded being is space. Since expansion is permeative, we can be in the "same space" with one or more other expanded beings. In fact, it is possible for all the entities in the universe to be one space.
We experience expansion as awareness, comprehension, understanding, or whatever we wish to call it. When we are completely expanded, we have a feeling of total awareness, of being one with all life. At that level we have no resistance to any vibrations or interactions of other beings. It is timeless bliss, with unlimited choice of consciousness, perception, and feeling.
Space is a level of experience that any of us can reach, but it is difficult to talk about on our present plane precisely because it is unlimited. It is that which chooses limits and makes definitions. We might say: all experiences are available to the One Mind, and the One Mind is all of us or any of us at the highest level of expansion. Or we might theorize: God could not create anything more limited than Himself that would persist, but if He duplicates Himself, He can enjoy a persistent universe. Each entity, therefore, is a duplicate of God, "made in His image."
It doesn't matter what words we use: we exist and the universe exists, and it is possible to test this expansion-contraction idea within the limited scope of what is real to us as human beings, especially in atomic and sub-atomic studies.
When a being is totally contracted, he is a mass particle, completely imploded. To the degree that he is contracted, a being is unable to be in the same space with others, so contraction is felt as fear, pain, unconsciousness, ignorance, hatred, evil, and a whole host of strange feelings. At an extreme he has the feeling of being completely insane, of resisting everyone and everything, of being unable to choose the content of his consciousness. Of course, these are just the feelings appropriate to mass vibration levels, and he can get out of them at any time by expanding, by letting go of all resistance to what he thinks, sees, or feels.
When a being is alternating expansion and contraction, he is energy. My guess is that at the middle point, fifty percent expansion and fifty percent contraction, a being would be logical, non-subjective, egoless, and predictable. This may be the "zero" which is one side of energy equations in physics, as well as the "ego-death" we go through in expanding to higher levels of awareness.
It is important to note that energy is not a quantity of anything "objective." Energy, like space and matter, is what a lot of live beings are doing. Energy beings usually react to their neighbors in a way that is often predictable and apparently automatic, like falling dominoes. While relating to space beings, energy beings will appear to be high, vibrating rapidly, with a sense of increasing subjective freedom. Oriented to mass beings, they will be low energy, vibrating more slowly with a growing feeling of subjective compulsion and disorder.
The universe is an infinite harmony of vibrating beings in an elaborate range of expansion-contraction ratios, frequency modulations, and so forth.
There is a particular set of feelings and ideas that goes with every variation, every combination, every vibration level. There is also a different perception of how other beings are relating from every different view-point. The thought of these possibilities is so staggering, trying to contain them in writing is so ridiculous, that it is hard for me to move my pen any further. However, what we are after is to isolate some basic attitudes that will recover awareness of our freedom to move around in this maze—or go straight to the top.
What we need to remember is that there is nobody here but us chickens. The entire universe is made of beings just like ourselves. Every particle in every atom is a live being. Every molecule or cell is a tribe of beings. Energy is a large number of us vibrating together. Space is an infinite number of our brothers and sisters in perfect bliss.
There is no important difference between live and dead matter, since both are made up of live entities. Not only is mass convertible into energy, but energy is convertible into space, and vice versa. It is our own withdrawal from awareness, our own mass condition that makes us see our brothers and sisters as objective matter, energy, and space. We always have the experiences and perceptions appropriate to our vibration level.
The same rules apply to all of us. The rules do not come from anywhere outside ourselves. They come from the truth that we are all equal, we all have the same range of possible behavior and experience. We are free to do anything we want to do, within the necessary laws of our relations as equal beings. And love must be the first law. Love is the action of being in the same space with other beings, which means that love is real, as real as we are. Love is not a limited idea, it is something we do, ultimately with our whole selves.
Perhaps many of us do not like it where we are in the universe now, but we can all be certain that we got where we are by our own decisions to expand in love or withdraw from it.
The kind of brain and body you have, the family and society, the time in history you were born into, all these and more were determined by you yourself, by your degree of expansion, by your willingness to love. No one did anything to you. No one forced you. There is absolute justice in the experience that each of us is having every second of the day. In one sense we can all relax, because nothing is secret, nothing is lost, nothing is forgotten, no one is abandoned.
Each of us is the same kind of being, capable of outflowing attention and awareness, or withdrawing it. And that is all we need to do: Give full, permissive, loving attention to absolutely anything that we see in our minds, in our bodies, in our environment, in other people.
Expansion in love is an action that is available to every being in the universe all the time. A willing awareness will take us to heaven, a loving attitude will make us free. Nothing else controls our fate. Good or bad behavior is secondary. Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are thinking, love yourself for thinking it. Love is the only dimension that needs to be changed. If you are not sure how it feels to be loving, love yourself for not being sure of how it feels. There is nothing on earth more important than the love which conscious beings feel towards each other, whether or not it is ever expressed.
There is no point in worry or wonder about worse or better spiritual conditions, although that game is available. You will not be able to rise above your present vibration level to stay until you love the way you are now.
No matter what your spiritual condition is, no matter where you find yourself in the universe, your choice is always the same: to expand your awareness or contract it. And you have to start where you are. There is nothing wrong with being where you are—it's one of the infinite experiences available to us. What you are, I can be. What I am, you can be.
Whatever we have done in withdrawing from full consciousness of the One Mind, we are doing now. Whatever we are doing will always be within us to do, even when we are not doing it, and therefore is not to be resisted, but transcended. These are reminders I frequently use: "That's always within me." "This, too, can be known with a fully expanded awareness."
We can trust the flow of the universe. If these rules of love are true, then they are effective whether we agree with them or not, whether we are conscious of them or not, whether or not we use words to talk about them. The reality of love is something you do for yourself, with or without words, and judge the results from your own experiences. All information like this exists in space all the time, and doesn't need books for its reality. It's always within you.
It follows that I am not writing this book out of any sense of objection to what anyone believes now. Beyond all reason is the mystery of love: you know we are all equal, no one in truth needs any help from anyone else, no one needs to be told anything or given anything—and then you do the most compassionate act anyway, do the best for your brothers and sisters that you have in you. I'm relaying what was given to me when I felt I needed it: if I felt that way, maybe someone else does, too. This is a letter to my brothers and sisters, a love note to try to show how, when we thought love wasn't working, it was working perfectly.
It's an interesting mental exercise to turn the whole game upside down: the problem is not how to free yourself from the mass level, how to get enlightened. The real question is: if you are a completely free and self-determined being, how did you lock yourself into a body to play games on the material plane? How did you get yourself and others to agree to this game? How did you get it to be compulsive?
Several times when I've spaced out, I flashed: Well, if it's that easy to get out, I might as well go back and play the game. Maybe that's the ultimate temptation. And maybe no one really wants to know how easy it is, nobody wants to upset the game. We may all be playing let's pretend, hide-and-seek.
Physical reality is one of the biggest horror movies of all, and you know how we love horror movies. If the universe as we see it from our vibration level is illusory, only partially true, then that's all the more reason for enjoying it and loving it, instead of getting freaked by it.
Everything that happens on earth can be experienced on any of thousands of different vibration levels, from the most euphoric to the gloomiest. We are entirely free to emphasize any level we wish. We need change nothing but our own attention and love, our own expansion and love.
Since the universe is nothing but live beings, each controlling his own level and his own relationships, there is absolutely nothing in the universe that needs to be corrected in any way. We don't have to do anything about it, whatever it is. There is consciousness everywhere in the universe, and we can trust all beings to handle their own decisions. No matter how it looks to us, love never loses control: the laws of our relations are as honest and exact as the laws of physics.
I can't say I know at this moment what all these laws are. But on some level everybody knows that we are all getting exactly what we deserve.
The harmony is infinite and one and divine. Where do you figure you fit into it? Don't be too hard on yourself. A little bit of love goes a long way.
------------------------- --
Tomorrow - Ch. 3: Look, Ma, I'm Enlightened.
had to leave a note
06.28.04 (8:32 am) [edit]ok, i was checking out the hot blogs and somehow i am listed as both #'s 11 and 12. thats not right. plus, i somehow managed to make it to featured blogs again. damn, now i almost feel bad about wanting to take some time off from blog. well, like i said - almost.
i'm still going to be taking time off. who knows though, i might do as i am right now and post a little note here and there.
anyway, just wanted to thank y'all. i'm out.
America's greatest strength, and its greatest weakness, is our belief in second chances, our belief that we can always start over, that things can be made better.
--Anthony Walton
In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where anybody is. That is what makes America what it is.
--Gertrude Stein
taking time away
06.26.04 (11:28 am) [edit]so, i figured that i am going to take some time away from tblog. i don't know or even if i will return, but i guess we'll see.
anyway, i really don't have a lot of shit to say anymore and i've seemingly lost interest in posting on here. ideas are few these days given that i have been expressing them outwardly into the world so i am not left with much to say here.
i hope to talk to y'all in the future.
oh, what a contrast...
06.25.04 (10:57 pm) [edit]sitting back watching some movie on the tv screen, gazing past the hazy lines into something comforting. i don't see how that matters now, i'm so worn out. i guess it could be better, but its so nice just to get lost in something i don't quite understand...and its so simple it kills me, when i look at it clearly. your memory is here and i'd love to stay, so i'll pack up for the day.
sometimes you feel as if you aren't really there, left cold dry bitter and bare, looking for a place to go...don't be late for the show. react like a bird on a wire, touched violently by electric fire...oh, how enticing...quite inviting.
you were singin classic rock by the only light, it was nice just to sit and listen...wondering how i'd fit in if i decided to take that road - what a load of shit.
------------------------- ------------------
i guess that pretty much sums up exactly how i'm feeling right now. i'm tired, confused, annoyed, clueless, flimsy, and somehow strangely joyful. hmm, i suppose that makes as much sense to you as a guy on the beach with a hand-grenade...waiting for the CIA. ok, maybe its not quite like that, but i was thinkin on the lines that i might be losing my mind. its not a bad thing, i'm comfortable with it...its fun. i'm tired. goodnight.
Lazy Mans Guide to Enlightenment
06.25.04 (3:06 pm) [edit]By: Thaddeus Golas.
i am going to post a part of this book each day. its very very good, i think you will enjoy it and even learn something. enjoy.
------------------------- --
Forward.
I am a lazy man. Laziness keeps me from believing that enlightenment demands effort, discipline, strict diet, non-smoking, and other evidences of virtue. That's about the worst heresy I could propose, but I have to be honest before I can be reverent. I am doing the work of writing this book to save myself the trouble of talking about it.
There is an odd chance that this is what someone needs to read in order to feel better about himself. If you are a kind person and want to know what to expect when enlightenment strikes and why it comes to you, with or without psychedelic help, this is for you.
These are the rules of the game as I see them. I realize that many of us are opening up very fast these days, and one of the most common delusions we face is the belief that our sense of revelation is unique. The feeling of knowing the truth is not enough. My intention is not to pretend final truth, but to suggest certain simple attitudes that will work for anybody and stay with you in the most extreme freak-out or space-out, even when your mind is completely blown. These attitudes are so simple that I'm surrounding them with a picture of the universe to show why they work even when you don't believe they will.
The universe is so vast and complex that if we needed books like this to become enlightened, we'd never make it. But on the other hand the universe is so simple in design that there's no reason for anyone to be puzzled or unhappy. It's easy to control your existence, no matter how complicated it looks. I've abandoned the idea of writing this a number of times, on the ground that people didn't know it because they didn't want to. But in the end there is no more reason for not writing it than there is for writing it.
I am writing what I will want to read someday when I am stuck in a weird place. Several times on bummers I've thought: What could I say to someone in this state of mind that would mean anything? That's the kind of testing this information has had. There isn't a line in this book that is there just because it sounds beautiful. The information is practical and reliable. It has taken me and others safely through some extreme states of mind, and can be reduced to a few phrases that are simple enough to recall in any crisis.
The first chapter begins with a briefly stated idea about how the universe is made, and the rest of the book discusses our lives from that viewpoint. It is a far-reaching idea, extending into every field of knowledge, and since it took me many years to get it straight, I cannot expect that anyone else should casually accept it. All I can do is ask that you play the idea game, see where it leads, and check it out against what you know. What has to be true for the universe to look to us as it does? Is there a credible bridge between matter and spirit? Like many people, I wrestled with such concerns for years, and this book contains some of the conclusions. Perhaps these conclusions will be meaningful to you only if you follow your own process of checking and proving. If so, the first chapter contains all you will need to keep you busy for a long time. On the other hand, if all you want is a handy trip guide, you'll find that, too.
I'm really not expecting anyone to take these sentences and expand them again into a feeling of realization. But if one of you whom I never hear about gets a little higher and happier, then I would write all this again a thousand times over. I hope you find the vibrations pleasant.
cool little blog
06.25.04 (12:53 pm) [edit]was running around the internet and came across a blog i thought i'd share.
http://marmot.blogs.com/" title="http://marmot.blogs.com/" target="_blank"http://marmot.blogs.com/ - it a blog by a white dude in korea. pretty interesting read, very well written. i suggest you take a peak.
just thought i'd share.
lazy bones
06.25.04 (11:42 am) [edit]yup, i am one lazy bastard these days. seems i didn't go to work again today. oh, well, there really isn't much i can do there today anyway.
i've been coming to terms with the fact that my blog needs some heavy renovation. the colors are off, the header sucks, and the content is really laggin. hmmm, maybe i should do something about that. and maybe i shouldn't. maybe i shouldn't do anything to it and just leave it as it is - cluttered, like my mind at times. then again, organization is always a good thing as well. my position on hot blogs will begin to drop steadily because i won't be blogging as much anymore. or maybe i will be blogging...in the wee hours of the morning and such. who knows what will become of this blog.
i think that today i may just continue to write and write. i don't really care if it has any relevance to anything, i'm just going to write. since i am going out later tonite i can feel good about spending a lot of time in front of a computer screen...staring and talking and listening...to something.
i'm going to see 9/11 tonite, i have VERY high expectations and accept the fact that the movie will rise above them. i am in love with micheal moores films, just brilliant. anyone who disagrees can feel free to do so as long as you realize you are being ignorant. unless of course you just don't like documentaries because thats fine too.
so, with all that bullshit said, i am off to design a header worthy of my cause. also, i am going to go read something or do something to get inspired to find my good blogger side again as i feel it is slowly begining to wither. lets see what happens.
a poem about speed
06.25.04 (8:43 am) [edit]i used to have a lot of tweaker friends and i used to tweak on and off as well. times were tough, but it was fun since we didn't really care about a whole lot...it took its toll after awhile. anyway, heres some looking back on it.....
SPUN.
looks like they're taking another spin
goin down town again
cuz thats the place it feels safe in
its another loop of free base
action filled satisfaction
did they mention the rides not free
unless your going to be fine
to have a good time
going down town again
takin another spin
feeling lonely after dark
so park the car in the alley
i'll be back
with another sugar sack
take another useless spin
goin down town again
since its so nice to fly
and yeah it'll make you cry
and wish you had of thought more
but your bodies sore
so feel free to go round again
being tracked down again
by pirates on a killing spree
or maybe just the lights flicker
make you bicker
about going down again
to the town you feel free in
another endless search for happiness
but now your finished
since your spun out
in down town again...
ack
06.24.04 (11:58 pm) [edit]my blog is irritating me right now. i want to change it around, but i am too tired and it looks like shit. ack, i am not staying up any longer. fuck the colors, they can wait.
skibble
06.24.04 (10:58 pm) [edit]ok, skribble is a form of scrabble you play with a bunch of friends when you're really drunk and quite high. this is from a few weeks ago and i couldn't upload it sooner cuz i didn't feel like putting it on cd.
anyway, a bunch of us got together and wanted to play scrabble. we didn't feel like using any of the rules though since we were all fucked up and wouldn't be able to spell anything blah blah blah.
here's our skribble board....
leave a comment. i might post what the meanings are later because we did in fact come up with meanings since in scrabble or skribble, its gotta be real. haha.
got it workin.
06.24.04 (7:58 pm) [edit]yup, got my internet connection at a speed i can live with. funny how a little foil goes a long way when you use it with as an antenna...lol. used to do that with radios when i was getting a bad signal and figured that wireless internet works the same way...so, yeah. i almost feel stupid saying that...ha.
its back to work for me tomorrow. today hasn't held a whole lot of interest for me. just a whole bunch of nonsense. i did sit back and watch old tapes i made. when i first started to get the idea to film, i filmed everything. so, i sat back and watched old friends get high and talk about...well...nothing really, just blibber blabber...the kind of blibber blabber you live for. thats what filming is for me. when i have a camera in my hands, i realize that its not just the memory or the moment that i'll be capturing, i'll be capturing the feeling. i like being able to convey exactly what people are feeling on film. its a very hard concept to get a handle on, but its the most amazing thing when you get it right. thats what i try to do with my films, i don't like to have actors as much as i like live docu-type stuff.
anyway, enough bullshit ranting or whatever. i'll leave you with a poem that i'd like all our opinions on...if you can. remember, not just "good" or "bad", try to give me some insight into how you perceive it.
------------------------- ---------------
Milky Twilight.
you believed in yourself so much
you were let down
and i've got a hunch
it ain't your fault,
but who am i to say what matters
since nothing bothers
just a bunch of endless clatter
dancing inside our heads,
but who were you to care
when people stood and stared
at all the fun we had inside
we had nothing to hide
and i know now that it was fine
just to spin around out there
since we always played fair
we could celebrate into the night
inside that milky twilight
we were singin
dancin
playin a card game
trying to gain some fame
with all the people who stood out
couldn't understand what its about,
it just doesn't matter anymore
not like we were left sore
just standing in the middle
playin a fiddle
for the guy who left alone
he knew he had been shown
the way he was supposed to go
through an endless daze
he was caught in a maze
isn't is amazing,
this milky twilight?
just takin our cares so lightly
everyone politely asks
if were ok,
its alright
theres more on the way
and we'll step softly
as we lead ourselves astray
to rot inside an ash tray
in this endless memory
it always seems to bother me
as i make my way
through this milky twilight
can't give up the fight
for this starving night,
its like nothing happened
or just wasn't mentioned
after that disappearance
you gained clearance
into something i tried to hide
but i can confide in you
so its alright
in this milky twilight...
everything in its right place.
06.24.04 (2:06 pm) [edit]thats a great song by radiohead, though i do prefer the older stuff such as the album Pablo Honey and The Bends...i also enjoyed OK Computer. but its not about that, its about me having an internet connection at home again. i took the day off since there is nothing to do there today, i called and asked if they NEEDED me and they said not today. i'm happy. however, i'm running it on my computer as a wireless connection hooked up through my neighbor. he managed to convince me that if he installed the primary connection at his house that i could just use a wireless connection. its cool, but its a pretty shitty connection through the walls. i haven't used wireless connections all that much, but its never been this slow in the past. oh well, it happens. we're going half on the bill, but i think i may just get my own connection soon.
other than that, went to play pool at my bar last night for a couple hours. i ended up beating 9 people in a row, one was from getting nothing but the eight ball in on a break. i was very proud of myself because i'm not sure if i have ever played that well before. its a great feeling mainly because the people i play with are far more experienced than i am...i've been fighting to show them some damn good competition...and after 3 years its payed off.
and now i'm sitting here listening to jack johnson. i'm not sure how much i like his music. its nice to listen to as it is really laid back, but i don't know if i could ever listen to a full cd of his.
i've been thinking a lot lately of my current stance in life. i've been thinking about where i see myself in 5 years from now...what i'll be doing and how i'll act. after thinking about it for awhile i thought to myself: i'll cross that bridge when i get there. right now, i'm pretty secure in my financial state and i have a nice place to stay. i think that within the next 2 years i am going to try to move into a house. i also really need to think about looking for a car...seeing as how mine kinda...well...went KABOOM. so, yeah....
anyway, i'm really happy these days. i've been proud of myself quite often for the things i can accomplish when i'm feeling a bit self-less. i manage to pick myself up and focus on whats important. its been a long time since i can remember ever being able to do that. its been nice to be single after my 2.5 year past relationship. see, during that relationship we only had about one month of alone time in all, its not alot when you take into account we dated for 2.5 years. it was a very good relationship and i took a lot from it, but after being alone for awhile and not really truely caring about having someone, i have been able to put a lot in perspective and can now draw out the correct plan for where i need to be for me. i think i'm about ready to put myself into the dating scheme again.
life is nice.
i ate 2 eggs for moe, tel 6.
06.23.04 (1:56 pm) [edit]yes, i love that new motel 6 commerical. its shows a white number on a black background: 1-800-motel6 and the guy says:
here's our handy reservation number. to remember it, think of the 1 as an I then ATE...so, I ATE...the two 0's look like two eggs, now you have I ATE TWO EGGS. so, I ATE 2 EGGS FOR MO...TELL 6 people. now you have I ATE 2 EGGS FOR MO, TEL 6. there you have it.
1-800-motel6.
its great. i like it. the end.
we need to talk.
06.23.04 (11:45 am) [edit]last night i turned on the tv and was flipping through channels when i happened upon that 8 Simple Rules show. it was one of those heart-felt parent/child talk episodes. the subject was marijuana. i hate how they convey pot smokers on television shows. i understand that it is an every day occurance for parents to talk with their kids about marijuana, but it really shouldn't be a situation where it appears that it may drive the family apart. another thing, the stereotype about smoking weed because you are depressed is not something that should be first and foremost.
i understand that parents are concerned when their child brings pot home or drinks alcohol, but it is apart of growing up. curiosity sometimes has more say than strength of will. it is apparent that kids are dealing more and more with peer pressure every day and it gets harder to make friends if you don't feel like you fit in. thats what life is though, pressure. we're always pressured into SOMETHING.
on the issue of something like marijuana, i believe that we should take the time to inform children about the facts...not the myth. the myths will only end up scaring the child and closing the child off from taking chances. i believe we should inform them of both the ups and downs to such situations and where it can lead under certain circumstances.
i do not believe anyone should smoke marijuana before they reach the age of 18. i started when i was sixteen so i can speak of why i think its important not to try it until you are 18...but at the same time it makes me appear somewhat hypocritical. i believe that if what you are doing is passing around knowledge and wisdom then you aren't being hypocritical, you are being forthcoming and informative. my reason for people not to try marijuana before 18 is simple, you just aren't mature enough. people who smoke weed before the age of 18 are more likely to use it in excess and allowing the rumor of "gate way drug" to appear true.
i believe that it is important to understand the facts about marijuana before making any decisions. you can't educate someone else, especially your children, unless you take the time to educate yourself.
so uptight, low.
06.23.04 (10:09 am) [edit]so, anyone who reads my blog knows my friend jon has...well, had a pirate radio station. last night he had a run in with the FCC (federal communications commission). anyway, they went to his house with a warrant and took his equipment. now they are talking about imposing a $12,000 fine. we shall hope they don't.
in other news, there really is no news. my friends have decided to start asking me for relationship advice. lol. i'm single and they ask me for relationship advice. hmmm, i guess it must be because i have had fewer, yet more successful relationships. haha, most of my friends can't have a relationship last for more than 4 months. my longest was two and a half years. it was heaven. but last night my friends started asking me for advice. it was odd only because 4 of them asked in a 3 hr period. either a phone call or a tap at the door. i used to help people where i could, but i ended up being too self-less and had to take time out for me. lol, sound like the advice was a relationship in itself.
i still need to get my personal internet account running again, i hate not being able to use the internet between me getting home late and going to bed. also, its kind of aggrivating because i have a bunch of templates i need to upload so i can show potential clients what i can do concerning web design. i miss doing that and used to make quite a bit of money...i had to stop when the contracts started getting to big and i didn't want to hire anyone to work under me. that ain't cool. major profit loss is not good when working freelance.
anyway, yeah, thats my thought for now. leave a note.
Libra
06.23.04 (9:28 am) [edit]i'm a libra and kinda liked my horoscope today....
June 23, 2004
Maybe you're a private person, but your discoveries and insights compel you to make them public right away. There's a world of benefit here for the people who understand where you're coming from. You might even make some new friends around this bonding experience. See what develops once you let the cat out of the bag or the genie out of the bottle. In case you didn't already know, there's a lot of power in taking the first step.
Singles Love Horoscope for Libra (haha, had to):
Sometimes you say things without thinking. That's okay. The more important thing is your broader personality -- the way you come across in general -- and in that department, you shine.
loopy appletush
06.22.04 (3:23 pm) [edit]The following in an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey. The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...
Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first
name:
a = poopsie
b = lumpy
c = buttercup
d = gadget
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = fluffy
h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = stinky
k = flunky
l = boobie
m = pinky
n = zippy
o = goober
p = doofus
q = slimy
r = loopy
s = snotty
t = tootie
u = dorkey
v = squeezit
w = oprah
x = skipper
y = dinky
z = zsa-zsa
Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = apple
b = toilet
c = giggle
d = burger
e = girdle
f = barf
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = cootie
j = monkey
k = potty
l = liver
m = banana
n = rhino
o = bubble
p = hamster
q = toad
r = gizzard
s = pizza
t = gerbil
u = chicken
v = pickle
w = chuckle
x = tofu
y = gorilla
z = stinker
Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = head
b = mouth
c = face
d = nose
e = tush
f = breath!
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = butt
l = brain
m = tushie
n = chunks
o = hiney
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = buns
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = kisser
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = brains
z = juice
Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is... Goober Chickenshorts.
the science of confusion
06.22.04 (1:01 pm) [edit]gazing through the starlight
on an endless summer night
waiting for definite
on something intimate...
------------------------- -------
we all get lost sometimes. we all get void of thought and manner. we all get picked up to be pushed down and then we feel like clowns. the sad part is, we don't even know why.
its not the people around us. its not the bordom or the lonliness. its just a feeling we have that something isn't right. and we sit there, trying to think of the reasons why even if the reason is right before us - which 9 times out of ten it is.
------------------------- --------
i guess what bothers me most is being in the dark. its like the "light at the end of the tunnel" that you just can't seem to reach. you see it, you feel it, but you can't touch it and open it up...you can't get inside.
------------------------- ---------
ever sit in front of the computer listening to music and wasting time doing nothing? yeah? of course, i knew you did...we all do. all the sudden though that nothing turns into something and its not just pitter-patter nonsense. your mind moves in mysterious ways, motioning you to follow...you don't really have a choice in the matter...or do you?
------------------------- -----------
i remember sitting by a stream one time up in the woods. i was alone except for the beauty of nature. i sat there with my notebook in one hand and a pen in the other. i sat there for about 2 hours before i realized i wasn't going to be able to write anything...there were no words to express the serenity i felt. so, i decided to ask a question to the wind whispering through the trees. i can't remember the question, but the answer was: enjoy it. so i did. and i wrote about it. i wish i hadn't left my notebook there.
------------------------- -----------
i want to climb to the top of the highest mountain and sit there for the rest of eternity. sure, it would be cold and i'd get lonely...but maybe i would come to an understanding on why that peak was the highest and not the one in the distance that appears at eye level.
just gotta hope it goes away...
06.22.04 (10:53 am) [edit]i love her to death. seriously, i will probably end up loving her until the day i die. its not a regular every day love though she is my best friend...its the love you feel with the person you know you're meant to be with. however, its that same love that doesn't always get to shine.
i've spoken of this love on my blog before, but it was more of just asking questions about where she stands on the issue. i am only kidding myself by wondering because i know exactly how she feels. we love eachother more than anything in this world, but its not the love we get to be apart of...we have to hold it from eachother like the forbidden fruit in eden. it kills me that it has to be that way, but its our friendship we don't want to harm. eventhough this love would have that strongest foundation possible, it might not work. we have to stick with the maybe...the what if...only because we don't want to gamble our friendship away. that would not be good.
i love her more than anything. i would give up everything just to be with her always. i treat her better than any guy i have seen her with because she deserves that and so much more. shes the most beautiful person i know both inside and out. she could never be wrong in my eyes and i could never be mad with her. i would show her the world as she'd like to see it, i would give her the stars just to see her smile. she tells me with her eyes that i am not alone in feeling this way...not only in her eyes, but when we speak about at least once a week. we come up with the same answer to the same question and somehow still get stuck with a question.
after 3 years of this, there is still nothing to be done. are we afraid? probably. are we happy? of course. is it love? most definently. i guess i'll just have to wait and hope it goes away...which is a pretty dumb answer, but its all i've got to work with.
Love Song for No One
06.22.04 (10:26 am) [edit]by John Mayer.
this song fits how i'm feeling these days. wanted to write a ficticious love letter, but this is better.
------------------------- -----
"Love Song For No One"
Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it
I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one
I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me
seems its all just 2 cents...
06.22.04 (8:49 am) [edit]sometimes i feel like a little kid, stuck in the golden age. feels like i'm on top of the world, nothing can touch me. i could build a spaceship from a cardboard box and fly to another galaxy where i can be king. the world is wrapped around my little finger. and then my alarm clock goes off and i get ready for work. ah, the joy of living.
i do get stuck in my own little fantasy worlds sometimes, we all do...its healthy. i like to think it means our imaginations are still active and our creativity is only beginning to bloom. all things in life come with experience - its no different for dreaming. when we're young we might dream of one day being a king in a far off country that we saw once on discovery channel. as we get older our dreams mature with us - maybe one day we'll have a family. its all part of the endless journey to "grow up."
someone asked me a few days ago when i intend to "grow up" since i found it slightly funny that they stepped in dog shit and in turn slipped and landed in a puddle of water. you have to admit when that happens to a good friend, its rather hilarious. anyway, my responce happened to be "never." in my eyes, "growing up" it something that will never end. we will continue to learn things throughout the rest of our lives, changing with each new step we take. there is always something new to discover.
it is with this thought that i take that new step. i've always been a firm believer in that quote...goes like this: "it is better to have taken that chance than to live with wondering where it would have gotten you." well, ok, it wasn't worded anything like that, but you get the point. i don't want to live a life wondering about what would have, could have, or should have happened...i just want to take the chance and see/feel the results. i won't ever regret something i did, but i will always regret what i have never done.
regrets a funny thing. some people think that if you don't regret the bad decisions you made in life that you are a bad person. its nothing like that at all. i think that the bad decisions you make in life can be more important than the good ones for the simple fact that they taught you more. maybe it should be: regret the action, not the lesson. nah, i think you need to accept all of it in order to get anywhere...in order to keep the wisdom you received from the lesson.
anyway, i suppose i'm just rambling now. the point of all this was to remind myself of who i am and why. my dreams are as important as my reality. the things i have done and the lessons i have learned have made me who i am...theres not a person in the world who can change that. as life goes on, so will i...always growing, always learning.
NEW FISH...yet, VERY OLD FISH.
06.21.04 (10:04 am) [edit][b]RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (AP) -- Brazilian scientists claimed to have found a new fish species believed to have lurked deep in the south Atlantic Ocean for over 150 million years.[/b]
The fish, of the Chimaera genus, is about 30-40 centimeters (12-16 inches) long and is found at depths of 400 to 600 meters (1,300 to 2,000 feet), scientists said Thursday.
"This is a fantastic discovery, because before this we believed there were no Chimaera off the Brazilian coast," said ichthyologist Jules Soto, who discovered the fish.
Soto is the curator of the Oceanography Museum at the Vale do Itajai University and co-author of the fish's scientific description, which will be published in the upcoming edition of the U.S. scientific journal Zootaxa.
Soto said the fish was discovered on a Spanish fishing boat trawling off the coast of Rio de Janeiro state in 2001.
Soto said his students first photographed the Chimaera aboard the vessel as part of a research project, but they were unaware of the fish's importance and threw it back in the ocean.
Soto realized the significance of the discovery while examining the photographs.
"I could see right away it was a very different animal, just from the shape of the fins," Soto said by telephone from Santa Catarina state, 450 miles (700 kilometers) southwest of Rio de Janeiro.
It took Soto and his team two more years to locate more specimens and to complete the scientific work needed to prove it was a new species.
The fish, which Soto has named Hydrolagus mattallansi, has a snub nose, winglike side fins, a spiky back fin and stinger tail. It is closely related to sharks and skates.
The Chimaera can sense the presence of other animals by scanning the electromagnetic field around it, but it also has large eyes that can sense even the smallest bit of light, Soto said.
Ichthyologists called the new Chimaera an "important discovery."
"Deep water fish have been little studied here and it's very difficult to get information about that environment. The sad thing is that environment is being devastated by industrial fishing so species new to science are likely disappearing even before they are discovered," said Adriano Lima, an Ichthyologist at Rio de Janeiro's National Museum.
Scientists have identified about 25,000 fish species in the world but suspect there may be as many as 40,000 yet to be discovered.
Soto said it was rare that such a large vertebrate animal should be undiscovered but that the deep waters off Brazil's coast have not been extensively explored.
He claimed to have discovered three other new species that he is still in the process of describing.
Chimaera evolved 400 million years ago during the Devonian Period and are one of the oldest fish species alive today.
ok, here, learn something.
06.21.04 (10:00 am) [edit]woah, it really show our piggy sides to see that US per capita consumption of sweeteners including sugar, syrups, honey (and Valentine's candy) increased from 137 pounds in 1990 to 158 pounds in 1999. damn, makes me wonder how much its increased since then. its interesting that the Czech republic has more Internet Service Providers than any other non-English speaking country. and indians need to start looking for work cuz they go out to the movies 3 billion times a year.
Sick of crowds? Try Greenland where there's 38 sq km per person.
Pearls explained: A woman proudly wearing a valuable pearl necklace is actually displaying an entombed parasitic worm, not a coated grain of sand. The free, spherical pearl is produced when the larvae from a parasitic flatworm, which comes from seabirds, burrows inside the oyster to begin the process.
The going rate for breath consultants in New York City is $125/hour. This gets you a breath-analysis using a gas sensor and a computerized gum thermometer. The sensor detects sulphur compounds, a by-product of bacteria in the mouth. You then get a 'breath make-over'. thats lame. lol.
Something that makes me glad I'm not a scientist: Research biologists from the National Biological Service are using DNA samples from mountain lion feces to evaluate the cats' dietary patterns.
The time honored 'dig me' message has been deleted from those little candy valentines, only to be replaced with 'fax me'. oh my.
The FDA has so far approved 30 drugs for AIDS and AIDS-related conditions. Another 110 anti-HIV drugs are in various stages of development and clinical testing. But it might be a while, since it takes an average of 15 years and some $400 million to bring a drug from the laboratory to the pharmacy.
Since 1977, American's consumption of Mexican foods has increased four-fold, and consumption of snack foods such as crackers, popcorn, pretzels and corn chips has tripled. theres no hope.
Entomologist Terry Erwin studies insect diversity in the rain forest canopy of the neo-tropics. Terry discovers between 1,500-2,000 species of insects in each tree he examines. Eighty percent of what he finds in a single tree is new to science.
isn't it strange...
06.21.04 (8:52 am) [edit]though not really cuz nothing strange happened. just another wasted weekend. i suppose its fine to waste the weekend, especially when you don't have a car because some mechanic said nothing was wrong...but somehow your car manages to catch on fire regardless of there being nothing wrong. mechanics annoy me, they charge $125 for a part that costs $40 all because of a couple of hours of labor. not only that, but they try to sell you shit you don't need...they just look at your car and find some things that could be replaced with newer parts, but its not needed for another 3 years at the least. fuck mechanics, they can all rot. unless someone who reads this happens to be a mechanic, i salute you for having a good way to make some handsome cash.
saturday started slow and ended slow. it was alright, had a few friends over for some drinks. nothing exciting though...so goes life. nothing too exciting ever happens to me, i just kind of float around and settle in when the times right. although, i have had brushes with death...just not exciting brushes with death. i guess i could include exploring in the jungles of malaysia as exciting. and maybe being in those hurricanes in texas...or that tornado back in 88 here in california. i think it was 88. or the many earthquakes that have scared the shit out of me. or even that time i burned down my friends garage by accident. maybe my life has been a bit exciting. hmm...interesting...doesn't seem like it has.
sunday was nothing special at all, hung around the house just sitting on the couch mostly. it was a slow day, a draggy day, a good day to be tired. you don't come across those days very often...when its good to be tired. i hate the feeling of being tired, makes me feel so dumb and wasted. at the same time, however, it can be fun. you're free to act like a dumbass, but only because you don't really have a choice in the matter...just kind of happens like that - you just have a good excuse for being a dumbass.
so, here i am in the office on a monday morning getting ready to grab some breakfast soon. isn't it technically the first day of summer today? you could have told me otherwise, i never would have guessed.
day off
06.18.04 (2:10 pm) [edit]so, decided to take a day off work today. been working far too much recently and its not like i can really do anything today seeing as how the server is still all fucked up. oh well, i don't really give a damn anyways...i put in far too many hours so i should have a right to take a day off. lol.
i'm at my friend jon's right now, running the radio station. its pretty cool, goes like 25 miles all around so we get a few thousand listeners if it were judged off of "could", but realistically we'll probably have like 30 listeners here and there. we've gotten lots of calls from people requesting shit etc so at least we know its not just our fun. plus, theres a pizza shop in town that plays nothing but this station. if anyone out there lives in the san gabriel valley area in california, see if you can get 104.7 fm. haha, i doubt that'll happen.
so i realized today that its about time i get a girl. i've been single long enough...something must be done. i've decided to say fuck it to all the bars since i don't want some slut ass hoe or some shit. thinking i'll check out the old town areas, coffeeshops and such. thats how i met my last girlfriend, just chillin at a coffeeshop by myself. however, that was also when i was a little bit more "artsy" looking...aka "bohemian" lol. it was funny, she asked for a smoke and i told her i would give her one in exchange for a name. she told me her name and we started talking...etc etc etc. i really need to do something though...its been a long time since i've had a nice date. been too fucking busy with work. i want a different job.
hmmmm, a different job. what can i do? what are my strong points? i went to school for certain things, but i can do so much more than that. its hard to get a nice job without certificates though. i used to do free-lance web design and graphic design on and off, but i couldn't keep up with my contracts. i was a bar back for awhile, but never went to fall bartender status. i'm extremely creative...excessive with it sometimes. its fun though...and important to my survival. i used to be a poetry editor for a website and i'll be going back into doing that shortly at: http://www.coffeefaucet.com that'll be fun. i've done a lot of acting and some directing. damn, come to think of it...there are sooooo many things i could do. i've been wondering about trying to publish some of my poetry etc. you never know what'll happen until you try and i've realized over the years that i have learned a lot...i'll just start putting it to better use.
dark poem. maybe?
06.17.04 (3:00 pm) [edit]you scarred me with your ancient tongue,
diving deep within my chest
peeling away my selfish core
til nothing was there
but you...
you made me bleed with your solemn eyes
fixated on that which i starved for
my wounds burned for your touch...
you craddled my ignorance
allowed my thirst to bloom,
my red has faded
dried up
so i peel it off
"she loves me"
"she loves me not..."
eternal truths
06.17.04 (1:29 pm) [edit]so, i was at a loss for ideas on what to write about and was asking around on tblurt for ideas. got one that seems fairly interesting, yet, open ended and i like things like that...eternal truths. raindropecho told me to write about it so now i'm going to post a few ideas i have on wtf an eternal truth is.
Truth defined:
Conformity to fact or actuality.
A statement proven to be or accepted as true.
Sincerity; integrity.
Fidelity to an original or standard.
Reality; actuality.
often Truth That which is considered to be the supreme reality and to have the ultimate meaning and value of existence.
Eternal defined:
Being without beginning or end; existing outside of time. See Synonyms at infinite.
Continuing without interruption; perpetual.
Forever true or changeless: eternal truths.
Seemingly endless; interminable. See Synonyms at ageless. See Synonyms at continual.
Of or relating to spiritual communion with God, especially in the afterlife.
n.
Something timeless, uninterrupted, or endless.
Eternal God. Used with the.
now that i can review back to different meanings for a more meaningful entry, lets begin.
to me, there are as many "eternal truths" as there are definitions for it. it all depends on the way you like to look at it, which definition to focus on. however, when you start focusing on the definition too much, it no longer means anything. at the same time, were are speaking of something with no end...so, in essence it can never lose its meaning.
i guess love could be classified as an eternal truth, just as long as its real. i suppose that faith could also be seen as an eternal truth. eternal truths are something that allow us to be happy and think clearly, it allows us to be content in an ever changing, often chaotic world. something you can hold on to and know that it will never fade, you will always be able to count on the fact that it will remain - unchanged. however, we all need to realize that everything changes, it is the only constant in life. so, maybe change is the only eternal truth. to be able to rely on the fact that everything changes and being able to accept it.
this is a hard subject to write about, i'm not quite sure of what i can say is an eternal truth. i'd like to think its as simple and as cliche to say love, happiness, curiosity, being, self, and fundamentally existence. it goes right back to a post i left earlier asking people to tell me what they believe is fundamental to existence. here are some responces:
Greybeard: To live life freely in pursuit of a better understanding of our own (personal/human) nature and its relationship to the universe we live in. Also to pass on that understanding to the next generation so they might further improve upon the limited understanding of the previous generation and advance our own humanity.
rinna: faith and love. faith in love. love of faith. faith in yourself, your loved ones, your abilities, faith in bettering yourself and to have faith in people who have fallen. it's all about faith and love for me. (totally not religion based btw)
ScarlettKGPi: The most fundamental aspect of my existence is being happy, being true to myself and my dreams.
i believe that those can all be classified as eternal truths as well. we need to better understand ourselves and where we are, we need to know what we want and how to get it, and most importantly, be happy with where that all leads us. in trying to get to the root of what an eternal truth is, we have to look at what we personally hold true. i don't think that there are set areas of this for every person...it will constantally change. however, as it remains a fact that it will always remain somewhere within you, making it eternal. i believe that the only way of saying anything about it is to say that the only eternal truth is self-awareness. for one to be aware of who one is and for one to realize that one is a character in anothers dream - THAT is eternal truth.
Song of the Day
06.17.04 (12:34 pm) [edit]alrighty, going to start a daily thing on what the song of the day is. i'll be basing it off of whatever my brother and i sing in the car on the way to work. most of the time they are cheesy love songs that we sing in awkward ways to have a laugh and start the day right. lol.
------------------------
For the Longest Time
By: Billy Joel
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
If you said goodbye to me tonight
There would still be music left to write
What else could I do
I'm so inspired by you
That hasn't happened for the longest time
Once I thought my innocence was gone
Now I know that happiness goes on
That's where you found me
When you put your arms around me
I haven't been there for the longest time
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest
I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall
And the greatest miracle of all
Is how I need you
And how you needed me too
That hasn't happened for the longest time
Maybe this won't last very long
But you feel so right
And I could be wrong
Maybe I've been hoping too hard
But I've gone this far
And it's more than I hoped for
Who knows how much further we'll go on
Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone
I'll take my chances
I forgot how nice romance is
I haven't been there for the longest time
I had second thoughts at the start
I said to myself
Hold on to your heart
Now I know the woman that you are
You're wonderful so far
And it's more than I hoped for
I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad
I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time
stupid thing. from raindropecho
06.17.04 (10:20 am) [edit]| How to make a chris |
| Ingredients: 3 parts intelligence 3 parts arrogance 5 parts instinct |
| Method: Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of curiosity |
Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com
| How to make a cmaze |
| Ingredients: 3 parts friendliness 1 part courage 5 parts ego |
| Method: Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add curiosity to taste! Do not overindulge! |
Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com
well, thats interesting. is that how the e-world sees my sides? LOL. hmmm.
trip out
06.17.04 (10:07 am) [edit]so, last night i realized yet again that the world is too small.
went out with my brother and his boyfriend to play some pool after work at a place we don't really go to all that often in old town. little place called Q's. its a cool place thats half night club, half bar, half billiard...its just too damn expensive to get a drink...or anything for that matter. we walk in and theres a really cute girl working the front counter, i thought i recognized her a bit and then kind of shyed away from saying anything since i didn't want to be like: hey, is your name so and so? and for her to say: umm, no.... thats just never any good. so, we get to our table and have a few drinks. by this time i have glanced at the girl at the counter a few times. i finally realized that i did in fact know her so i went over and said whats up. we had gone to highschool together and being that the highschool i went to when i first got back to the states only had like 15 people in all...i didn't really think i'd be seeing anyone from there. however, as chance would have it, i guess i do see people from that school. well, actually i've only seen like 3 since 1998 when i dropped out. anyway, make a long story short i have a phone number now.
now this is another strange part. the girl that lives next door to us has been a friend since 2000, turns out she used to hang out with the sister of the girl i met. damn, i don't know why i don't use names...protect the innocent! anyhoot, yeah, she used to hang out with her sister so that was a major trip as i watched the world suddenly get very very small...much smaller than it was 2 days ago.
thats pretty much all that happened yesterday. a couple of friends of mine who have been dating for the past yr and a half are now coming to an end. its a sad thing to see, but to tell the truth about the whole relationship - its about time. too much was happening that was just driving them apart so its time for them to take some space and find out who they are and if this is something they want still. i don't think so though.
i've also been meaning to get to the movies, i'd like to see the movie Saved. from what i've heard its pretty funny and it looks like it. spoofs on christ...you can't go wrong. lol
another quiz. lol
06.16.04 (4:31 pm) [edit]this one was from IronWolf's blog....
PASSIONATE LOVER. You love to love, always looking
for a relationship. You cannot live without it.
Your lover must be passionate and you want
that you and your partner melt into each other.
He/She should not try to take the domination .
You dont want a relationship without passion,
and the sexuality plays a big part. The first
moment you meet him/her is one of the most
important. There has to be something between
you , you cannot explain. From the first moment
on everything must fix. But when this passion
disappears you disappear to. For you it is
better to leave than to see your love
restrained.
PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always
message me or tell me how I can improve that
quiz. Ill sure write back.
~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla
from my other blog
06.16.04 (2:31 pm) [edit]So, its spring time. I think it is anyway, seems the wrold is falling in love with itself. Wait, I think its more of a lust thing. That makes much more sense. Its the time our instincts have their way with us so we have our way with others. I think that "having way with" is actually more suited for sex crimes. Lets stick to "screw" or maybe just "fuck" or even "concentual bliss." Hey, look, that sounds nice - "concentual bliss." Sweet.
Anyway, on to trying to make a point.
Spring time is the time our emotions are high and mixed with the raw power of being in heat. This makes for some pretty interesting moments. Lets take example a) two friends sitting on the couch, watching some chick flick. Now, the dude doesn't really get too emotionally involved in the movie. However, the girl is getting some "strange feelings" inside, turns to look at the dude, and realizes that she could love him. This turns into an "opening up" where the dude is free to make a move. Now, the girl is not one of those to just flat out show shes interested. She waits for eye contact, smiles, and does a side glance. The guy realizes she likes him, moves forward, and kisses her. Suddenly, niether of them is wearing any clothes and they are in eachothers arms the next morning.
I only bring this up because it happened. On my couch. Not to me. Didn't piss me off, didn't make me jealous. It did, however, remind me that I am human and it is spring time. Makes me take a few things into account. I'm not one to just up and have "concentual bliss" with someone else. I like to keep it more on the romantic side. So, I'm the one that needs to get out and meet people...not just go to a bar and have a good time. I'm just REALLY horny right now though...and I don't like it. I don't like to feel that I am using someone (vice versa) just to feel good for a few hours. I want the relationship. Why do I have to get stuck holding myself back just because I feel a little differently about "concentual bliss." I need to just get rid of the guilt and all that bullshit so I can take part in the rituals of spring.
Anyhoot, I think I'll write about something better in a bit. Have fun and remember not to play too hard.
right now, right then...right when?
06.16.04 (8:56 am) [edit]:D so, last night i went out to the bar with my brother and jon. played some pool, drank some beer - which both go pretty much without saying. anyway, it was a good time. i ended up playing a couple of my best pool games against one of the guys that i can never seem to beat. i've beat him a few times in the years that i've known him, but i'm still convinced he let me. anyway, last night every game we played was down to the eight ball...it was crazy. he would break and, like always, ended up clearing 5 balls off the table after the break. makes one on the break, clears 4 more...its so fucked. however, i managed to sink 5 of my balls directly after him so we each had two balls on the table...he gets both of his in. i'm left with two and i took a huige gamble...i went for the double combo (two balls in at once) because they were in the seemingly perfect condition. i made it. i almost shit myself, i swear...and he just sat there staring at me in disbelief. it was grand, but i scratched on the eight and lost...i was dumbfounded. ah well, it happens.
later on went back to my pad with a few friends of mine and drank a few more beers...played some xbox and got a massage. i had really needed one and since my friend lonnie was there...i made her give me a massage. there was no way out of it for i her. lol, but i did give her one in return so its not like i was being selfish. then later she got to read a few poems i wrote about her. it was cool, she was surprised and flattered. i'm always very reserved about allowing the people i write about to read what i write. i always wonder if they'll get the wrong idea and/or take it too literally. its like, a girl could read a poem i wrote about her that i didn't intend to be a "love poem" and then think i was in love with her. i'm just used to writing in that style, but my poems aren't literally what they say and some people don't grasp that concept so its very hard for me to show my work to the person it was inspired by. lonnie, however, knew exactly what i was saying in the poems and that made both of us happy. btw, thats the "friend vs lovers" girl. lol.
so its hump day today. lunch truck is almost here and i'm fucking starving. i can't wait to eat. i gotta figure out what the hell is going to be happening this weekend. so many people are asking me if i wanna do all this crazy shit and i'm only one man dammit! lol. ah well, i'll make up my mind on whats going to be going down later. besides, i'm used to being spontaneous so its always hard to keep solid plans. haha.
question
06.15.04 (4:11 pm) [edit]answer this.
what is the most fundamental aspect of existence? why?
realized after i first posted this question that i forgot to tell everyone that i am going to post the results and write about what relevance it has to things. which is to say: i want some responces because i'd like to write a well informed post.
and a personal touch
06.15.04 (3:00 pm) [edit]heres what MY responces to the questions i answered in stereotype style (below this entry).....
1. Why do you guys only think about sex?
- I don't only think about sex. Especially when it comes to the opposite sex, I don't disrespect people like that. Don't get me wrong, I think about sex a lot...just not all the time.
2. Why do you guys have sick jokes that only guys like?
- Sick jokes that only guys like? I know plenty of girls that like sick jokes as well, its all about a good sense of humor...thats your bad if you ain't got one.
3. Why don't you like admitting that you cried?
- I can admit that I have cried...in fact, I've cried many times. You can't control what you feel and sometimes what you feel can hurt.
4. That you enjoy hugs sometimes instead of kisses?
- I enjoy both hugging and kissing. In regards to "instead", it would be better if it were phrased as "cuddling" instead of "hugging." They are both really nice things to do.
5. That you aren't the hot shot that you portray?
- I hope I don't portray myself as a hot shot, I know I'm not.
6. Why do you have to act like a hot shot?
- I've never been caught guilty of this...well, maybe sometimes. If I am doing something I know I can do REALLY well then I might come off as a "hot shot."
7. Why do you think that fighting is the answer?
- I don't believe that fighting is the answer. Sometimes, however, the other person doesn't leave many other choices.
8. Why do girls have to be hot to get your attention?
- They don't. I'll give a girl plenty of attention regardless of if she is hot or not...she's just gotta be nice.
9. Why do you find it hard to say I LOVE YOU?
- I have never once in my life found it hard to say I LOVE YOU, I just make sure I mean it first.
alrighty, i feel better about the whole thing now. lol
ditzybrunette's blog
06.15.04 (2:17 pm) [edit]so, i went to ditzybrunette's blog and she had a bunch of questions on there for us guys to answer...so, i'm going to go into a little bit of detail about those questions here on my blog. firstly, remember i am answering in a stereotypical guy fashion only because they are stereotypical guy questions.
1. Why do you guys only think about sex?
- What else is there to think about? I mean, seriously, think about it...sex. Theres NOTHING that compares to it so why waste any time trying to find something else to think about?
2. Why do you guys have sick jokes that only guys like?
- Because girls just don't get it. Us guys have to have something to hold us all together so we tell eachother nasty jokes to make ourselves feel better about not thinking about sex.
3. Why don't you like admitting that you cried?
- HA! We don't cry, our eyes just water sometimes. We can't help it. Plus, the only way you could get us to cry would be to take sex out of the equation.
4. That you enjoy hugs sometimes instead of kisses?
- Instead? Whats that mean? You can't hug without kissing and vice-versa!
5. That you aren't the hot shot that you portray?
- Yes I am.
6. Why do you have to act like a hot shot?
- Because I am a hotshot?! Jeezus, I'd think by now you'd get it!
7. Why do you think that fighting is the answer?
- Because when someone gets knocked the fuck out there are no more questions!
8. Why do girls have to be hot to get your attention?
- Because they have to be in order for us to stop thinking about sex long enough to notice that we'd like to have sex with them.
9. Why do you find it hard to say I LOVE YOU?
- What? Did you ask another question?
I trust i cleared some things up, right?
beef without bbq sauce...
06.15.04 (1:29 pm) [edit]is like christianity with no god.
went to burger king for lunch today, i never go to burge king. however, i thought they might be able to redeem themsleves with the new bacon/cheese angus burger. nope, all hope is lost for burger kings future in my eyes. don't get me wrong, i ate it and enjoyed it...but it tasted of everything else burger king has...as burger king food is known for. plus, they were (excuse the term) jewish with their bbq sauce. my friend jon said he didn't need the bbq sauce. i dropped my burger. i couldn't believe my ears - beef with no bbq sauce?!?! what the fuck are you thinking, jon!?! damn thai bastard, but i love him for it. hes just a fool...thats all. lol
so, i decided i'd like to take a look at my stance on fast food. whats good, whats not, and what just isn't right. lets see...here are a few of my favorite fast food places and some of you have never heard of or just never ate at...
1. In-n-Out. there is no way to go wrong with a nice big double double or an even bigger tastier worse off for you 2x4. mmmmmm......
2. Los Chiles Locos. omg, some of the best mexican food i have had...unless i were talking about texas or mexico itself.
3. Jack In the Box. i don't care what anyone says, i love the food there. its fuckin good...especially those new panidos or the old school ultimate breakfast sandwich...which was NEVER just for breakfast.
4. Carls Jr. good stuff, six dollar burgers were sent direct from heaven...i'm convinced.
5. Panda Express. pretty damn good chinese food, used to go there a lot until i figured out about Fortune Chinese Food. mmmmmm.....
6. Taco Bell. i've been eating there since it was called something else...i forget what it was called before Pepsi bought them.
then there are those places that we drive by and someone yells out "LETS GO THERE" and you just look at them in disbelief.....
1. McDonalds. i disregard anyones comments on that place being good.
2. Burger King. the food there doesn't taste like what you ordered.
3. White Castle. we don't have them in CA, but i remember them in Indiana. i don't like square burgers that are no larger than the cheese on top of them...usually there isn't any cheese...get my point?
i can't think of the others, but i know they are out there. i just never go there and refuse to if i have any say when picking a place to eat...which i do.
how about the peeps reading this, where do y'all eat? whats good and what nasty? why?
don't fear the reaper...
06.15.04 (11:08 am) [edit]ok, i know its a Blue Oyster Cult song, just leave it alone.
anyway, whats up with people and their strange fear of death? death is apart of life, its a natural occurance which one should be comfortable with. to shed this mortal coil, kick the bucket, the long sleep, blinking for an exceptionally long time...yeah, ok, whatever - thank you Patch Adams. it does boggle my mind though, how death can be natural enough to seem unnatural. i mean, shit, who the fuck wants to live forever?!
i guess it could have to do with people wondering if they made the most of their lives. all the things they've done and all the things they have left to do. nobody wants to "move on" without making the decision for themselves, but sadly, thats just not the way it works. i can understand that maybe people love the ones in their lives too much for the eternal good-bye, but as they say: if you love them, let them go. eh, i dunno.
maybe its just fear of the unknown? often times people fear what they cannot see or fail to understand...and the fact that when they finally get it they don't know is unbearable. and maybe thats also why people don't like to think outside their fragile little "boxes." eh, ya think?
maybe some people aren't secure enough in their faiths to be comfortable with "moving on." asking themselves questions like: have i served gods will accordingly? they aren't quite sure if they are going to end up in heaven, wondering what they need to be forgiven. thats what makes me a little angry sometimes, some people don't live their own lives. hey, if you wanna give up yourself so you can devote every penny-fed thought to god thats fine by me...not for me.
its just so damn confusing. i don't fear death, i'm curious about it. i wish there were a way to experience death, but being able to walk away from it later on. like the movie Flatliners - brilliant idea.
howabout all of you? how do you look at death?
more mexican fun!
06.15.04 (10:42 am) [edit]jumping beans. woah, how wierd. its like a tiny little worm living inside of a bean. wtf, man! how can those things stay alive let alone JUMP AROUND?! i've been pondering looking up some information on the little buggers, but realized if i knew exactly what was happening it wouldn't be as fun to watch them go ape shit. another thing, the fucking worm in bottles of tequila...yipes. thats nasty. however, i cannot lie so i should come out with it - i ate one of those fuckers. god it was nasty. you feel all the mushiness of it and taste all the alcohol that was absorbed by the poor bastard. that makes me think mexicans can be a little sinister. "hey, holmes, check it out man - lets put that worm in essay's tequila!" it did probably start out as some cruel joke but the dude liked and ended up making millions off a joke that bombed. you never know.
i work at a vinyl manufacturing place in monrovia, we have mexicans running all the production etc. its wierd because they all refer to me as Mr. Chris or Christo. i kinda like it though, makes me feel important. when i first started working here doing shipping/receiving they all thought i was a spy and were very withdrawn while around me, but then i started talking with them a bunch about random ass things and got cool with 'em. its interesting because most of them are coke-heads. lol, i don't want to say anything because they are all good workers and need this job. besides, i love most of them like they were family. its funny with new people cuz i'll fuck with them...walk outside and if someones smoking look at them all stern for awhile and then say: "that smells kinda funky." they usually look at the smoke, look at me, look at the smoke, look at me, and i laugh and then they laugh and then they go sing mexican music...ayeayeayeyayayaya!
salsa and foreplay...
06.14.04 (4:08 pm) [edit]i think mexican music is funny. sit around and listen to it when nothing else is on just for a few laughs. i love how every single song sounds the same with the same tuba notes etc. and then you get the "aye aye aye" or the "weeehehehawhoooeee" its great, i love it. its like stand-up comedy only not. when playing a game of pool theres nothing that can set the mood like some funky heehaw mexican tunes. then you can sit, drink beer, eat chips and salsa, and think about the many ways you'd like to see that blonde walking around bend and flex. then you get some ideas in your head about how lively you'd become and how neither of you would do much walking afterwards. looking at your chips and salsa you wonder how well it would fit into the foreplay. but you quickly lose all those ideas when you hear "yipyipyipayeooooo" and its all over with. i hate it when that happens. my brother and i just went to shoot some pool with a couple of friends since today sucks ass and the server is down so i can't really do any work. and i realize how truly horny i am after talking to the blonde that was walking around servicing..ahem...serving drinks. good shit.
beliefs and practices
06.14.04 (1:38 pm) [edit]a lot has been blogged about concerning religion, expression, and pride. its interesting to read a lot of it because some points are so ill-written. i understand what people are getting at, but a lot of them are so misinformed. i won't say uninformed because they are informed, but to an extent. it all comes down to closed minds and so on. i respect the blogging community for having and sharing opinions, but i disrespect the blogging community on issues where there seems to be no meeting point. i understand that not everybody is going to see eye to eye on everything, but at least be open to learning by sharing.
atheism.
this is a subject i see on a shitload of blogs. its almost pointless to discuss and nobody wants to beat the dead horse, but i'd like to point a few things out. i used to be atheist myself...before i started educating by practicing. i wanted to see if there really is a "higher power" out there watching over us. i decided after years and years to become agnostic. in atheism there are no answers, there are no meeting places - atheists simply do not believe in a "higher power." agnostics, like myself, do not believe or disbelieve the existence of a "higher power", we simply have no proof and like to base our opinions off of proof. as it stands, there is no proof that a "higher power" does exist. i like to believe in the co-existance of man and power - spirituality reigns supreme.
freedom.
america was founded on it and sometimes its taken way too far. i don't think people should take it for granted, it should be practiced every day. people should understand, i hope they do, that the best way to practice freedom is expression. its up to the person how they would like to express themselves and i am fine as long as there is no racism or descrimination involved. burning the flag, for instance, may upset some people...but please be open to what the burners are trying to get across. its not neissarily anti-american, its using the rights we are given to express our opinions.
christianity.
i have nothing against christians...unless they come off as evangelists. "accept christ now or suffer." ok, that right there should say something.
i guess the point that i am trying to make is: believe what you believe, practice how you practice...just don't do it forcefully towards other people. i do understand that nobody is trying to get people to stop thinking the way they do, but we should all try to express ourselves in a less forceful manner. i hope nobody gets mad at this entry. lol
TOP TBLOGGER FETISHES
06.14.04 (11:50 am) [edit]so, on friday i left a post about fetishes asking people if they had any. the most popular results were:
- biting
- pulling hair
- licking
- sucking (ears and fingers)
then there were a few results that were a bit more worthy of being called a fetish...
- fotocali: Watching.
- raindropecho: Balls. Kiwis, coconuts, smooth apples, whatever.
- Tripp: being in a sailormoon suit, haha
- spicyskewrl: guys w/ shaggy hair ooo lala!
- SnowbirdArts: A man in an expensive three piece suit. Really. Of course, no one wear them anymore so...
- ScarlettGKPi: My fetish is Armani cologne. I know if someone within about 500 yards of me is wearing it or not. And damn, the effect it has on me...holy cow.
i think i got some pretty good results, but i am hoping that people are into a lot more freaky shit and just afraid to say so.
if you wanna add your fetish to a nice growing list, please do. and be honest, no hiding! lol
you can't replace the "i" in intent.
06.14.04 (11:15 am) [edit]intentions. we all have them, if we didn't then we wouldn't do everything we do. all that matters is the nature of the intention. however, you gotta realize that intentions are all personal...which means most people with any intentions are thinking of themselves at the time, no matter how good it may seem.
i guess what inspired me to write about this is a situation between two friends of mine who recently hooked up. i know the girl better than i know the guy and i tried to warn him about how things might go later on. no listening on his part, but no thinking on mine. see, i'm friends with a lot of people who don't ever seem to change too much so i based my assumption on that.
the age difference is a fairly large gap, but i don't really see too many problems with age in relationships...though it does depend on what the relationship is centered around. anyway, shes 25 and hes 18. she has 2 kids and an ex-husband. in the past i had known her to pretty much skip around with some guys for places to stay etc etc etc...and so she could feel pampered. so, before she started dating this dude she broke up with another dude who was in the process of moving. she tells me this about the guy shes "in to" now: "he has a job, a house, and hes cute." so i told him that she might dump him as soon as she finds someone else who has just a little bit more.
so, what happens? she disappears for 2 days to help her ex-bf move into his new house and claims that she was with a girl friend of hers. what a joke. so, i realized that maybe people do change...but they change back just as quickly. some anyway. there are some things i will never stop believing and thats the fact that some of my friends have bad intentions and don't realize it. i guess you can't take the 'i' out of intent.
the ocean breathes salty
06.11.04 (3:27 pm) [edit]The Ocean Breathes Salty
By: Modest Mouse.
Your Body May Be Gone
Im Gonna Carry You In
In My Head In My Heart In My Soul
And Maybe Well Get Lucky And Well Both Live Again
Well I Dont Know I Dont Know I Dont Know Dont Think So
Well That Is That And This Is This
You Tell Me What You Want And Ill Tell You What You Get
You Get Away From Me
You Get Away From Me
Collected My Belongings And I Left The Jail
Well Thanks For The Time
I Needed To Think A Spell
I Had To Think Awhile, I Had To Think Awhile
The Ocean Breathes Salty Wont You Carry It In
In Your Head, In Your Mouth, In Your Soul
And Maybe Well Get Lucky And Well Both Grow Old
Well I Dint Know I Dont Know I Dont Know I Hope So
Well That Is That And This Is This
You Tell Me What You Want And Ill Tell You What You Get
You Get Away From Me
You Get Away From Me
Collected My Belongings And I Left The Jail
Well Thanks For The Time
I Needed To Think A Spell
I Had To Think Awhile, I Had To Think Awhile
Well That Is That And This Is This
Will You Tell Me What You Saw And Ill Tell You What You Missed
When The Ocean Met The Sky
You Missed When Time And Life Shook Hands And Said Goodbye
When The Earth Folded In On Itself And Said:
"Good Luck For Your Sake I Hope Heaven And Hell Are Really There, But I
Wouldnt Hold My Breath"